MATH OF ME, maybe

I have come down to three thing that I have decided I can't go any further with

Determination

Importance

& Freedom

these three I can not divide anymore, determination I decided on because it only shows how determination is a necessity for anything I do or else I will not do it no matter if it is necessary to do or if it will make my life easier or better. Importance is decided because, if there is no determination there is no importance and if there is no importance i really don't have determination to do it. I decided on Freedom because to do things i need to be free i need to feel like I need to feel like i can take anything and spin it the way i want it or it wont be important to me and there will be no determination. they all fold in together i don't know if i can bring them into one category or it is just the finalized math of me.

Inspiration

I guess I covered in my last blog post about my inspiration but it was Suicide Awareness Day where everyone put love on their wrists and I was very inspired preparing for it all weekend and on monday i wrote love on my wrist and was touched..

Please Do Not

Yesterday, went both ways, it was worse and better then i expected. I came into the period knowing exactly what I wanted to do and i was preparing what it was going to look like all weekend. I came in knowing that Monday was suicide awareness day, I really haven't been at the point where harming myself was ever the option but I have came close, like most girls I know. The most insecure thing about me is my body. Regardless how people perceive me, I have always and will always see myself as over weight. I knew what I wanted to do so the beginning of the three periods I attempted to get it down on paper...then I realized that what i did was not my vision for the piece and i started over. in the end everything i did became what I wanted. My one and only problem that I have been facing is that I do not want people to think thatI am harming my self in anyway shape or form and I don't want people to think that...so please do not.

7 things about me that i totally forgot!

1 & 2 . My first creative moment *that i remember* was when I was 6, i told my cousin that I wanted to design a mansion. We both decided that we wanted to draw our rooms the way we wanted it to be. I made my room a rainbow theme like life on a cloud. My walk in closet beautiful pink with a sitting room. That same day i choreographed a dance to an aaron carter song, being bossy me.

3 &4. The best idea I've had *so far* was joining cheer it gets a lot of anger and frustration out. If I'm having a bad day I go cheer and nail stunt or maybe make a basket toss higher then I've ever thrown.  It changes my mood completely. It has made me a happier person. 

5,6&7. The dumbest idea I've done so far was not do my homework for the past 5 years of my life I'm really paying for it now and it happened because I'm lazy and a procrastinator to the point that I just don't do it

what I have been up to

been editing Julie's song in school helping on her dance adding parts and taking parts out. I do alot of lifting in her dance and just a lot of sweating which I do not like to do. I have been drawing my picture but am unsure of what type of paint to use to paint it. The most challenging part of the drawing is that women but its actually working for me I am surprised. I cant wait to work on my mural.

sketches

on the blue sheet of paper i sketched the bricks and on the white I sketched the garage door... the difference is that the white one is to scale a inch to a foot unfortunately i find that very hard to do and am unclear on how to do a lot of the mathematics on my wall that is 7 foot 8 inches and 11 foot 9 inches.

Im Nervous

I started work on my mural it is primarily based of Banksy's piece of work shown. I am making a brooklyn street theme with a man or woman lifting a metal door shown revealing a paradise scene maybe a sunset on a beach or just a beach and around the metal door will be brick. Everything will be "tagged" with spray paint while all hard to do objects painted. I will be using grid to help me with my painting hopefully all goes well. I will be posting pictures of everyday I work on it. I am both Frightened and Anxious to do this.



So far the Dance is coming along really well and hopefully it does not be put aside and forgotten about while im working on my project. It seems the roles have switched and the Dance is now my side project with the mural being the big one.