The Fall, vs. why

What I took away from the fall, was it is not how long someone stays in your life that is significant it is what you shared together what it taught you and why they were there. The Fall made me look at everyone with a critical eye, any one that has left, what they taught me, and why it was okay for them to leave. I left knowing that even if someone isn't truely in my life if my relationship with them is totally made up like people crying over someone dieing in a movie, you didn't know them, they weren't you're friend, why does someone cry over that. They build a relationship with someone with out even knowing them, why because they meant something to you. Take Michael Jackson for instance, everyone cried when he died why? You weren't friends with him. It's what he brought to the table, maybe you learned a lesson from him or two and because of that they cry.

Art

Working on my project I spent all days avalible in stac and the second i got home till about when dinner accures in my family which is about 7:30-8:00 and then i did my homework and if i had free time and it was not very late in the night (early in the day) I would work on it somemore. I did over and over again the arm where I was trying to get the shading to look 3-d i went over and over again where the rope was aswell. i spent a good half of the project just kind of staring at it like it was a horrible horrible drawing, and more then a quarter worrying that someone was going to mention to guidance that
I am suicidal when I'm really not. I didn't spend to much time socializing more asking for ideas on the next panel of my work.

My project is all about death what could be worse. The topic is weak, and very vague. There are 5 different topics in one piece there is one about words, one about anorexia another about cutting another about drinking and another about popping pills. For the technical part; the shading is horrible, the rope is all disproportionate, the bottle of Smirnoff vodka looks slanted. The pill bottle is no where close to as three-dimentional as i wanted it to be. The girl has a spine but she looks almost to skinny, i need to find a way to make her look on healthily skinny with out her just looking like I dont know how to draw. I should have done this all on one large sheet of paper.


Ask for help to fix it, find someone that can help point me in the right direction, maybe demonstrate how to get a pill bottle 3-d I mastered the box but nothing else is working for me.

Challenges

I am more interested in working in a group but in which i am the dictator i like taking control and being in control of my own stuff, with some ideas from my community, I expected to learn how to take shots from different angles and learn how to cut and put shots together to where it looks good, because no one in my group was taking charge of that. On top of that i learned something i didn't expect to which was how to take control of an actor who does not cooperate well but, you are not allowed to fire from the movie you are production kind of like an actor three quarters into a production just decides that he does not want to work well anymore. Everything i learned i expected to there is nothing that i didn't learn that i expected to maybe it was i was not challenging myself enough. I am surprised that we pulled it off with out the horror movie becoming a comedy and i was very happy that we got that one actor to actually act and be a part of the film the way he was supposed to be.

MATH OF ME, maybe

I have come down to three thing that I have decided I can't go any further with

Determination

Importance

& Freedom

these three I can not divide anymore, determination I decided on because it only shows how determination is a necessity for anything I do or else I will not do it no matter if it is necessary to do or if it will make my life easier or better. Importance is decided because, if there is no determination there is no importance and if there is no importance i really don't have determination to do it. I decided on Freedom because to do things i need to be free i need to feel like I need to feel like i can take anything and spin it the way i want it or it wont be important to me and there will be no determination. they all fold in together i don't know if i can bring them into one category or it is just the finalized math of me.

Inspiration

I guess I covered in my last blog post about my inspiration but it was Suicide Awareness Day where everyone put love on their wrists and I was very inspired preparing for it all weekend and on monday i wrote love on my wrist and was touched..

Please Do Not

Yesterday, went both ways, it was worse and better then i expected. I came into the period knowing exactly what I wanted to do and i was preparing what it was going to look like all weekend. I came in knowing that Monday was suicide awareness day, I really haven't been at the point where harming myself was ever the option but I have came close, like most girls I know. The most insecure thing about me is my body. Regardless how people perceive me, I have always and will always see myself as over weight. I knew what I wanted to do so the beginning of the three periods I attempted to get it down on paper...then I realized that what i did was not my vision for the piece and i started over. in the end everything i did became what I wanted. My one and only problem that I have been facing is that I do not want people to think thatI am harming my self in anyway shape or form and I don't want people to think that...so please do not.

7 things about me that i totally forgot!

1 & 2 . My first creative moment *that i remember* was when I was 6, i told my cousin that I wanted to design a mansion. We both decided that we wanted to draw our rooms the way we wanted it to be. I made my room a rainbow theme like life on a cloud. My walk in closet beautiful pink with a sitting room. That same day i choreographed a dance to an aaron carter song, being bossy me.

3 &4. The best idea I've had *so far* was joining cheer it gets a lot of anger and frustration out. If I'm having a bad day I go cheer and nail stunt or maybe make a basket toss higher then I've ever thrown.  It changes my mood completely. It has made me a happier person. 

5,6&7. The dumbest idea I've done so far was not do my homework for the past 5 years of my life I'm really paying for it now and it happened because I'm lazy and a procrastinator to the point that I just don't do it

what I have been up to

been editing Julie's song in school helping on her dance adding parts and taking parts out. I do alot of lifting in her dance and just a lot of sweating which I do not like to do. I have been drawing my picture but am unsure of what type of paint to use to paint it. The most challenging part of the drawing is that women but its actually working for me I am surprised. I cant wait to work on my mural.

sketches

on the blue sheet of paper i sketched the bricks and on the white I sketched the garage door... the difference is that the white one is to scale a inch to a foot unfortunately i find that very hard to do and am unclear on how to do a lot of the mathematics on my wall that is 7 foot 8 inches and 11 foot 9 inches.

Im Nervous

I started work on my mural it is primarily based of Banksy's piece of work shown. I am making a brooklyn street theme with a man or woman lifting a metal door shown revealing a paradise scene maybe a sunset on a beach or just a beach and around the metal door will be brick. Everything will be "tagged" with spray paint while all hard to do objects painted. I will be using grid to help me with my painting hopefully all goes well. I will be posting pictures of everyday I work on it. I am both Frightened and Anxious to do this.



So far the Dance is coming along really well and hopefully it does not be put aside and forgotten about while im working on my project. It seems the roles have switched and the Dance is now my side project with the mural being the big one.

What I am doing for my independent project is a choreographing and performing ballet dance to Jar of Hearts by Christina Perri. At this moment that is my song choice and my dance choice. I have been toying with the idea that, Classical Ballet is the foundation of all dance. My favorite type of dance although is theater dance and what is most interesting to me is hip-hop. So if their is a way I might try and put Ballet the foundation of dance and hip-hop together if that is possible because it covers all my interests. My second project is street art. I am painting my room white and taking spray paint and paint and attempt to make street art some cool and creative designs.

With my dance piece as it is it is expressing my feelings for relationships. The song Jar of Hearts is about a guy being a player and just using girls. That is a big part of my life because as most girls they have been used and our emotions abused. My dancing to this that i have worked on since friday is a lyrical dance, meaning it is Ballet and partly jazz showing emotions through movements and dance. I showed the beginning to my dance to my friend and he started to tear up, hopefully moving people will happen easily. I am currently looking for Lyrical dancers that will inspire me. As for the street art i have not started much on that yet.

expressionism

expressionism is a lot about death and pain, not only scary but weird, it came off as odd ways to do normal things. Dancing turns into weird movements that are choreographed, acting becomes scary and odd, singing becomes opera, and writing becomes deathly based. It is not my style to do things but it seems a lot like what I would like, for instance expressionism looked a lot like a base of hip hop dancing and only dancing but it seems a lot of hard movements in dancing in its simplified form is expressionism correct me if I'm wrong but that is what I believe and what I see.